Posted at: 01/04/2010 9:04 AM
Updated at: 03/04/2014 7:51 AM
I don’t know if this topic is acceptable for your webpage, but I would appreciate if you would contact me one way or another.
I am surprised I’m not blind. I was in the neighborhood and stopped at my parent’s house with doughnuts and coffee on a Saturday morning. You should understand they are both 85. When I walked in, my parents were naked. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat at that table ever again. I saw more wrinkles and skin than a child should ever witness on their parent. Especially a son.
They were surprised, but not as upset as me. My father asked me to wait in my car for a few minutes. Are you kidding? I wasn’t going to go back in there! I left the doughnuts and coffee in the breezeway and took off. I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head. I feel violated in some way.
Really? Is this normal? Do I need to worry about them? Does this mean they have dementia? We haven’t spoken yet since it happened, but my father left me a message on my phone. He was laughing and said, “I guess that’ll teach you to knock next time.” How do I look them in the eyes again? How do I get past this? What do I say to them? And again, I don’t think it’s normal, so what should I do?
Dear No Name,
Oh boy. I guess you have a healthy heart; that was a real stress test for you! I think your father said it all: You should have knocked.
Is it normal for older folks to remain sexually active? Sure. Does it mean there is a problem with your parents? No. Quite the contrary – they both must be feeling quite well.
The problem, is yours. Certainly this would shake anyone up on some level. First, it’s been confirmed; besides that fact that you are alive, you know for sure your parents have had sex. You also know they still are. Good for them. Sex does not require glamour. It is beautiful that your parents accept each other fully, wrinkles and all.
As for you, I recommend that you shake this off. Sometimes this happens. Younger people feel a bit embarrassed, but generally get through it. It’s the age thing and the fact that it’s your parents that is troubling you, along with your own values of what is required for intimacy.
You invaded their private space. So far, you aren’t getting the message that they are mad at you for that, or overly embarrassed. Talk to your dad. Get it out in the open. Then say something to your mother about anything. Bridge the silence. Everything will be just fine.