Ask Jennifer: Week ending...

Posted at: 01/04/2010 9:04 AM
Updated at: 08/05/2014 7:29 AM


Dear Jennifer,

I was born a crack baby, I got taken away from my mother when the police found her passed out on the sidewalk. A neighbor told the police about me at home alone. I was only 3 months old. My Momma went to jail and my Grandma raised me. Once a month Grandma took me to visit my Momma in jail.  My mother was in and out of jail. She couldn’t stay away from drugs. I hated going to see her. She would act like “Come here and see your Momma,” and I would try to hide behind my Grandma. She came to get me when I was 8 or 9. Grandma asked Momma to move in with her. I was so glad about that. I didn’t want to go anywhere with the stranger Momma. She got back into her old ways and wound back up in jail. Grandma got some calls after that asking about the little girl that was for sale. My Momma tried to sell me for drug money. That was it. Grandma was hopping mad. We saw a judge and I didn’t have to see my mother any more.

About 2 weeks ago I got a letter that said my mother died. I was listed as her next of kin. The authorities wanted me to take care of her body. Grandma’s gone now, so it’s only me. They buried her in some kind of state cemetery or other. I always wondered if I would know when my mother passed. I was sure I wouldn’t feel anything. But I do. I’m shouting mad and sad all at once. Why do I feel this way? She was never a true Momma to me. Never. Is something wrong with me? I can’t for the life of me explain this. It wakes me up some nights. I’m worried. My doctor said it’s normal. Is it?
Please don’t use my name

Dear Human Being with Feelings,

I am so sorry your mother had such a terrible disease as addiction. I am so happy your grandma gave you a home with love. And I’m sorry your momma wasn’t able to be a mother and that drugs meant more to her than anything at all. I rejoice that you have family that love you.

You are angry because you always wanted your mother to love you. Now she is gone. She can’t apologize or attempt to make anything right.  She can never be a better mom, a real true Momma. And she never did anything good for you and you had to do something for her.  And you’re sad too for the same reasons. Your feelings are normal even though your mother’s situation was crazy and abusive for you. You aren’t alone in your feelings. Your mother was a very sick woman. Your grandmother is a hero. Work hardest at remembering Grandma your life with her is much more important. You are a strong survivor. Well done. See today’s article for more.