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Ask Jennifer: Week ending 4/19

Posted at: 03/30/2010 2:51 PM
Updated at: 03/25/2015 5:48 PM

Dear Jennifer, 
 
My issue is my sister. She wants our father to MOVE. She doesn’t want to discuss how this feels for him. She doesn’t want to address pros and cons. She just wants him to go to senior living where they feed him, entertain him and provide transportation to his doctor appointments. She gets mad at me, but it sounds like she just wants to wash her hands of him! I think my dad is afraid of her, he’s caving in without saying how he 
 
I agree that my father would do well in a retirement place, but I don’t like that he’s being pushed without any discussion. What’s the right thing to do? 
 
Sincerely, 
Roberta
 
Dear Roberta,
 
First: Is your father really afraid of her, and why is that so? If she is nagging him; fine. If she is crossing a line and threatening him or emotionally abusing him; call Elder Abuse at 244-8400. If this is “normal family interaction” I think your father did put in his two cents: he is choosing to go along. He is not arguing. He is not saying no. He also knows you well enough that he must realize he could turn to you to support him if he chose to stay home. It sounds like he knows it is time to move. Spend some time with your dad. Ask him how he feels, and share how you feel about him moving and how you feel about losing ties to the house. This is a big decision for everyone. I’d recommend you help your father move forward as graciously as possible; do everything you can to help him feel comfortable with the move. If your sister continues to bully him, contact my office and we will talk about it. 
 
Warmly, 
Jennifer